Why Goals Are Useless


 

winter farm hungary

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been musing over some philosophical questions of life in the last few weeks. New year does this to us, doesn’t it? As if its job was to force us to reflect, learn lessons, take the bull by the horn and change direction in life. Sigh….Indeed, there are always lessons to learn, wisdom to embed in our psyche and use our brain to change the way we feel, think and act.

BUT! …there is always a but and as a coach I like hanging out in the field of “but what if….” So this is exactly what I did. And I found myself reaching a seemingly alien conclusion that turned into absolute magic.

Are you slightly confused? I was, too but bear with me, it is important and you do not want to miss it.

So the scenarios is this: You want something from life, a new job, better marriage or dream about giving up your corporate life for a more fulfilling job. Let us assume that you being smart you have already said it out loud, even start making moves towards your dreams. So you set the goal, make decisions, do what needs to be done. Then….you reach it (Whatever “it” might be) and then …? You celebrate for a few days or weeks, maybe even for years. You planned, did, executed and organized whatever needed to be.

Then…..something starts to feel off again. You start waking up unhappy, unfulfilled, empty. You itch for more success, money, relationship..and the vicious cycle of  unfulfillment starts over again. It makes you crazy, doesn’t it?

I was doing this for years and it was making me tired, ungrateful and put me in a state of agitation for more. What I was doing was not working, was not enough and this slowly made me feel “I am not enough”.

Until recently…..and if you know by now, you know I like getting to the bottom of things, be it a relationship, my business or anything that I care about deeply, really. So after many years of failing my goals, my ideals and my own to do list towards my dreams that I held in reverence as the only way to succeed, I figured a golden nugget of truth I stand by today-

THERE IS NO GOAL, ONLY PROCESS.

What do I mean by this? Goals are noble and a stable, disciplined way to get your heart race that says you are getting there. But they can also be the whip on the back, keep pursuing your goals which often makes us do things that are not even working! Goals keep us under the illusion that we are moving towards our dream, often diminishing our ability to become the human why we are pursuing the goal in the first place! It is the battle of the doing versus being (the topic I spoke about so many times before!)

Goals make us either our better version or they make us the one who reaches the goals successfully but do not become more comfortable with our heart, failures or vulnerability. Instead, we remain the same, become the expert on setting goals but never allowing our hearts to soften to become more of who we truly are.

Reaching a goal itself is not the issue, becoming more honest, loving, flexible, independent, altruistic, helpful to others, open-hearted and real is! Because when you achieve a goal, it makes you happy. When you transform by achieving a goal, you become content. It is not the goal that will make you content, it is the process of getting to the goal!

So next time you set your goal, think about it this way- the goal is not important. What do I want to become by achieving this? Then you are on your way to transform yourself for the world to see your heart. Until then, you are just achieving and I know you want more than that. You want contentment, right?

What are your next goals in 2016?

Would you like to work on your transformation while you work on your goals? Why not hire me for this?

You can book a free session with me here:

https://heartsmartcoaching.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php

 

 

 

 

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