The Lost Art of Living


 

Long road

It takes courage to follow your mind but it takes EVERYTHING to follow your heart.

If there is one truth I stand by is this and this week I am sharing a concept with you, because don’t you just want to hear about a little and powerful tool that can exponentially turn your life into more joy, fun and ease?

So the story I know intimately well goes like this: When things do not go well, we are too scared to struggle alongside others, so we continue to struggle alone. We bury ourselves into theories, books and blogs to find our way out of our struggles but we keep running into the same circles. It might feel like your head will explode and the more you think, the less solvable things are?

Today I would like to help you with a little tweak. There are two powerful forces influencing our lives- Rigidity or Chaos. These overwhelming forces show up in almost everything we do, feel, think or believe. Take a deep breath and hear it again:

Rigidity and Chaos influence how we feel, think, act or believe.

It comes as no surprise that both are connected to our brain. Rigidity is when our left brain overtakes us; Chaos is when our right hemisphere dominates. When we are left brain -driven we tend to be cut off from our emotions, therefore we think, act and feel rigid. When our right brain is overactive, our emotions spill all over causing chaos and making us unable to make sense of the facts of our life. When your left brain is on fire, you tend to blame, deny or feel frustrated. When you right brain is leading, you might feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

Why is this useful to know? Research has confirmed that no one in the world is truly “left” or “right” brained, therefore to maximize on our potential as a human being and lead a life of true integrity, we need to learn how to work with BOTH hemispheres of the brain. The trick, the magic word is INTEGRATION, the process that makes rigidity and chaos less volatile so that you can find the equilibrium you need to take your next steps. Integration is the process where you recognize the strengths of each component and without losing their unique characteristics, you link it with the characteristics of the other component. Knowing the strengths of your left brain- linear, logical, analytical and explanatory- will help to use the right brain characteristics- holistic, emotional, visual, imagery and describing.

How does this work in real life? – you might be asking by now. Following on the theme of vulnerability from last week (and thank you to those who responded with love, courage and connection), I am sharing an example that is close to my heart, a real story I wrote about in my upcoming book. This is the story of relationships. I have never been a queen of relationships until I truly understood what role my brain played in it. As a true introvert, a sensitive and shy woman, I thrive on love and belonging. Yet, I was blind as a bat about how I expressed that love. I was either rigid and unavailable or overwhelmingly emotional and sharing. (Both have their benefits in certain cases, no doubt but certainly not in my closest, most important relationships in my family and with my friends).

I was continuously driven by either side of my brain- when my left brain wanted to explain and make logic to a relationship I became rigid and fearful of a deep connection with the other, so I kept my guards up, the shield that acted as a false sense of protection from being hurt by others. When I allowed my right brain to follow my intuition and my heart, I was over-excited by the magical feelings of connectedness and let my emotions run freely. None of them proved to be healthy, sustainable or even useful. There appears Integration, the tool I use abundantly with clients and on a sunny morning it all started to make sense.

Integration allows us to separate feelings from perceptions. It allows us to name the frustration and find out where it comes from. Integrating the two sides of the brain makes it possible to think and feel, to do and be, to describe and explain the experience you are going through.

It moved me into the healthy chaos of love, friendship and belonging when I was feeling too rigid and it pulled me away from emotional overwhelm and into structure I needed to recovery from disappointment and even hopelessness.

I believe integration is the way forward if we want to live a wholesome, healthy and powerful life with integrity, values and the inherent desire to change things for the better.

If you are intrigued and would like to try this wonderful tool, you can sign up for a free session with me here:

https://heartsmartcoaching.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php

 

 

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