As I set off for my walk this morning I met a Scottish couple. They were lost on the street and I asked them if they were looking for a particular place. As I showed them the way to the famous bridge, we got talking. You know, just casual, light conversation.
They asked me what I am doing here and when I told them I am here to complete my book, my life work while I focus on my heart, they both went quiet. After a few seconds the lady said: You are living magic .
Yes….I paused and I immediately was hit by one of my greatest enemies: Guilt.
( You know this one? When you feel really good, driven by your deep passion, run on joy and everything seems seamless but in the deep corners of your mind you are telling yourself: it is just temporary, I will be hit by reality soon. )
As I walked up to the top of the walls that surround Ronda to do my meditation, slowly the idea of Toxic Thoughts emerged. And I know these ones really well. I mean, really well.
They are pure poison, energy draining noise in the head, the death row of the heart.
Here is a list of the ones I have got to know well over the years. What are yours? What toxic thoughts are stopping you from living your life from your heart?
The world is a dangerous, cruel, unfriendly place I need to survive
Some of us are not lucky to have a dream childhood. Through hard years we learn to stick for ourselves and live gingerly as a way to defend our heart. We grow up with the idea that nothing around us is safe and we must be vigilant because people cannot be trusted. So we thread on the path of suspiciousness and fear in our mind (in your amygdala ) and shut our heart out.
The truth is, the world is only as dangerous for us as for anyone else. It is really up to us how we befriend it and how far we are willing to stretch into our own growth by opening our hearts.
We can always choose: Do I want to live in Fear or in Love, Connection and Joy?
It is safer to be certain than to be open to new possibilities
Certainty is a relative term. The only things that are certain are death, the fact that things will change as they always do. Ok, maybe taxes. The rest? …well, it is just trusting our ways and let the universal power catch us when we move forward with our heart.
If you are like me, you probably played safe most of your life and have had well-paid corporate jobs, a few safe relationships which went stale because you were too afraid to be honest with each other. Oh, perhaps you even had your dream car once…great! Did it make you deeply content? Did you wake up every morning tingling with excitement for the day ahead? No? Really? Neither did I.
I figured that playing safe will get you a lot of things but it will not get your heart beat with love, passion, deep excitement, freedom and joy. And this is what you are after, no?
3. I am responsible for others’ happiness
This is one of my personal favourite. My clients would often say: I cannot follow my passion, I need to pay bills.
As a mother, I have this thought on a daily basis and I have bills to pay, too. I also know that when I am unfulfilled or disconnected from my heart, I simply cannot be fully available for the people I most care about. Full stop.
Our heart’ s energy is the engine to empower others we care about. You cannot love if you do not know how to love yourself and that includes your dreams and aspirations. Treat them with respect, they are your fuel to your heart.
4. Growth and change is painful
Yes. So is waking up at 4 o’clock to catch a flight. Or going to the dentist. Even worse, taking your child to hospital at night.
Nothing is easy yet everything is. It is all in our mind how we process what is right in front of us. What we perceive as painful will be just that. What we do from joy, love and ease will produce results just like that! And, believe me, after a certain age, you are done with struggle and toil. You want it easier, with more depth and clear direction, don’t you?
5. My last failures just shows how I should never listen to my heart
Oops, another favourite of mine. I have failed in ways I can only laugh now. I was not laughing then, I assure you. They all contributed to my present ability to connect the dots. ( and you can only connect dots backward, not forward!)
When a storm hits us, we lose control and the only way we can get in back is to hold on to the image we had about ourselves before the storm. The thing is, the storm has come for a reason and it has a message for us. When we hold on to the old image of who and what we are, the storm will pass and while we patch up our old self –image, we remain unchanged and actively refuse the opportunity to grow.
Do you want to feel good, safe and “back to normal” or you want to grow? The two are very different choices!
6. I will attend x, y or z (whatever that might be) Later/Tomorrow/when I am ready
Ah…how many times I heard this! I know what I need to do/what I should do… I just need to put it into practice. You know this one?
Grabbing courage by the ankle and announce to myself: If I do not do it now, I will never do it, has been a game changer for me.
The power of Choice is immense. Why? Because in reality, we are never fully ready. You heard it? We. Are. Never. Ready.
So you might start walking now than regret not walking at all on your death bed.
The minute you become dedicated, Life moves, the Universe lines up and offers you everything you need on a plate. No kidding. Email me if you want some of my stories about this!
7. Thinking “ I am ok” when I am not or “ I am not ok” when I actually am
I am part of the crowd that thinks a lot, analyses everything until my head hurts. I also carry fear, insecurity and lack of confidence in my bones. Daily.
This puts us in a difficult position, doesn’t it?
Pretending that everything is ok when you are in the rubble of your life is not going to help you. Equally, being a martyr and playing the victim of constantly feeling sorry for yourself is not the way forward either.
Deciding what thoughts are useful and what are not is the best decision you will ever make for yourself. Trust me on this, I know the deep jungle of head-heavy existence. I have lived in it and I still visit the jungle. Only probably less frequently than a few years ago. Nowadays I get to do it with more fun when I align it with what my heart says. And that makes all the difference.
I would be delighted to offer you my new, Life Leaders programme, a series of 6 sessions with me where you can certainly work on the Toxic Thoughts that might be running your life.
So if you want to take charge and start living, here is a description of the programme
The “Life Leaders Coaching” programme has been designed for smart and hearty individuals who want to become the leader of their own life. It is for people who already know a lot about themselves and want to create their own, unique path with ease and effective results to create change for good. The only problem is they feel locked in a safe, well paid job while dreaming about having their life back. They desire freedom and adventure but too scared to leave the safe shores of certainty. They are seeking their place in the world, a meaningful job where they can balance their family life with the job they absolutely love doing.
I have designed the Life Leaders Programme for people just like you, to give you a structure through which you harness the powers you already have and build mental habits that support you to reach your goals easier, more effectively and focus on what truly matters to you.
This programme consists of 6 coaching session and through this we will
1. Follow a step by step process to understand where you are at your best, what are your blind spots and what internal thoughts and beliefs are not serving you to reach what you want from your life
2. Work with your brilliant mind to have a deep understanding of your emotions and how to work with them so you can become the leader of your life, rather than your emotions (especially negative ones) running your life.
3. Learn how to work with your internal knowledge and intuition to help you overcome negative patches and stop you running in circles
4. Create clarity about what works for you, so you make powerful choices at every opportunity
5. Exercise your “New” Muscles, in making decisions, taking action or not, keeping your life growing, asking for help (all great skills for Life Leaders)
As a result of Life Leaders, you will:
• Better understand your brain, so you can make smarter decisions. Smart people pave their own path with their heart that feels deeply and inspire others to do the same.
• Develop a deeper awareness about your emotions, so you are more comfortable with them, and you are more effective in moving forward in your life. Emotions are deep running rivers that affect everything we do. The problem is that we are not always capable of harnessing them for our benefit.
• Know how to combine your heart and your mind, so you step on the road to success.
• Know how you can change the way you think, so you can get the results you want.
• Be able to harness the power of our brain, so you open your heart to meaning, purpose and impact in the world. You are not your job but you can empower those around you who you feel most passionate about in the world- be it women, children or your family!
What is included:
• 6 sessions (each 45 minutes)- on Skype, face to face or over the phone
• My full commitment to your success. I’m available in between calls for the duration of our coaching relationship supporting, challenging and cheering you all the way.
• Continuous Email and phone support if you need to discuss an issue or need clarity in- between calls.
• My sharp insights and intuition, my brain wired for clarity, my ears trained to hear limiting beliefs, my mouth for straight, honest talking, with my deeply loving heart, my courage and whole committed self to your success.
Your investment: £550/6 sessions
The sessions can be arranged on a fortnightly or monthly basis
This is a great opportunity for you if :
• you are familiar with some key concepts and coaching principles
• you love progressing and continuously develop the way you build your life
• you are smart and open to new ideas
• you want to brush up on your life and refresh or redesign what we have already worked on together
Your heart matters, let your brain help you become a Life Leader!
If you are ready to start, here is my diary: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11214008