In the recent weeks I have been learning some great lessons about relationships. In this process I have lost and gained-a friend, emotions and respect. As I go through this process, my heart is pointing me to something I never really knew how to articulate: to really understand any person-whether in my professional or in my personal life- I must see him/her with my heart. Hmm…what do I do with this?
We are all made up of many things including our behaviours, opinions and actions. However, who we really are is our essence, that innate being, our core that makes us a unique human being. Our essence is not what we do but rather it is about qualities we bring- such as kindness, generosity, compassion, loyalty, passion or positive (or at times, negative) energy and a whole range of positive and negative qualities. And it’s all OK.
I am learning that it is easier to assess people based on their behaviours or actions than seeing them from their essence. This way we put up barriers between us and destroy a relationship rather than build it. By putting up those shields we justify how others hurt us and why we should move away from a relationship. Behind every action, whether positive or negative, there is a human heart and this comes with fallibility. When we scrap the surface of another human being based on an action we dislike, we fail to see the human being and we judge him/her with our head and ego.
When we start seeing with our heart we begin to see vulnerability behind arrogance. With our heart we can see that behind a passionate action there is a cry for attention. From our heart we can see when someone is vulnerable and needs to be held. From our heart comes the seeing of another, not the judging. When we see from the heart we can connect with any human being at a level that is really meaningful. From this place we can then really begin to understand one another.
I must admit, learning to see from my heart is a battle I fight on a regular basis. But I also notice that when I let my heart really see the person in front of me, I feel that something deeper happens. It is in those moments when I can remove my shields and allow myself to see and to be seen. The battle we are all fighting is not with the people around; it is the fight within us to be seen for who we are. In our essence.
And by seeing myself more I am hoping to see others more and more.