When things are not going well for us, we panic and want a change. We cling on to what we have built up and pray that when our circumstances have changed, we will be happier, more fulfilled, more on course. I am not very different from my clients- we base our sense of happiness on the circumstances and flow around us, yet often feel empty inside. Why…we ask millions times a day and the answer is simple: because happiness is an inside job and to transform our lives first we need to transform ourselves.
Transformation is personal evolution that gives the framework for our development into the best person we can be- every day, every minute! However, it is a hard state to be in- being in the state of transformation can throw us into a frenzy. It is a place of nothingness and everything at the same time! It is a place where you keep holding your pole, your truth, your dreams and deepest fears but when life calls us forth, we fall back onto our default positions and well known reactions that got us into this mess in the first place! So we keep being agitated by wanting to be transformed but feeling queasy when it is actually happening.
In this state of transformation we are so busy holding our pole that it exhausts us and we find it hard to see the bigger picture of what we are transforming into! Yet, we keep wanting to be transformed and evolve as our hearts are painfully pulling us forward to a better state of being. Our heart does this because she knows what she wants! Our heart does not want to settle for reality, she wants to put the torch on our dreams and aspiration we so comfortably forget! (Unfortunately, our brain reminds us for realities very often and frustrates us even further).
Transformation can only happen from a heart space where you follow what your hearts is whispering rather than craving for loud confirmation of your brain. Transformation is a tender energy, a series of delicate moves where you adjust your steps in every moment to the clear picture what you want to be transformed into. It is uncomfortable, frustrating and lonely place. No denying that.
Transformation does not have a result; it is the process itself that is the result. It is like a gentle meditation where you have no agenda, except the pure joy of being in your heart. At times, it feels like you are giving up something and miraculously things happen, life moves an brings you what you wanted, often actually better than what you wanted. At times it feels like you are pushing life so hard that your sheer exhaustion is killing your spirit and ability to be grateful, see beauty in little things or feel like a human being! (You know this feeling, too?). Other times yet it feels like you are walking in a dark jungle. Or oftentimes it is slow brewing. Or a gentle ride. Perhaps a chaotic swirl of events.
Transformation creates holes in our life. We lose things, people and often ourselves but rather than seeing it as a failure, I believe we are called forth to fill it up with better things and more meaning and do it more consciously and self-aware because transformation is about becoming deeper, more self-aware and conscious of every moment we show up in life. How we show up will determine how we transform ourselves! Transformation is an open, empty field of possible states in our human consciousness. It is also a sweet anticipation of the unknown and it comes with no handbook, I am afraid. It is rooted in the knowledge of the heart that it will all work out the best possible way and we need to trust this. We need to believe in our heart so we can trust.
When we can embrace this, real transformation can happen.