In my coaching practice one type of person shows up all the time- the one who is brainy, wants to know, loves strategizing and intellectualizing life, concepts and ideas . They are one of my favourite clients because I can feel their brain ticking away in the session and it is amazing to see the transformation they go through. Their classical question is this: What do I need to do to become happier, more content? This post is for those who have already asked me this question as well as those who were about to.
Connection has many levels and connotations. We connect with ourselves, with other human beings and most of us, even if we do not admit it, search for connections with the divine. Looking for connections is our innate nature. By connection I refer to real, authentic connections with others. It comes naturally to some people, not so easy for others. Get comfortable with yourself, trust that you are great as you are and reach out to other people. Search for threads where you can connect at a level with them (it does not have to be philosophically deep or life transforming) so that you can create an access to a relationship that might become very important to you. You never know who is bringing something interesting, exciting, magical into your life. Equally, you do not know who you are helping to change his or her life purely by being You!
Connection is a wonderful human act and it takes courage to let our guards down and be seen. Do not fret it, do not run away from it because it once you create it, it enriches your life in myriad ways!
No, I am not talking about the gym, although some of us could do with a few more hours sweating our pain away. I am talking about seeking contentment. Not chasing but simply seeking. Be open and ready for it.
Search for ideas, literature, techniques and practices to develop your habits that will support you becoming happier. Happiness is a personal project and it is an inside job. You need to work out what strategies will help you to become happier.
Is it about saying No to things and Yes to other things?
Is it about doing more? Or less of something?
Is it to do with listening more to your heart?
Is it about asking deeper questions? Or stop asking questions at all?
You know it, deep down you know exactly what you need to be happy. Be active about finding it!
The one place where curiosity does not kill the cat is coaching! In fact, I think I am the cat when I am coaching. I am curious about people’s dreams, desires, ideas, aspirations and I love when people become curious themselves! It brings them a real sense of happiness and joy to unearth some old idea or secret dream that eventually ends up being their life purpose!
Are you curious enough about yourself?
Are you curious about the world?
What are dying to know?
What is the question you keep thinking about wanting to find and answer?
I used to journal for many years on a daily basis. I used to write down things that happened, feelings I felt and places I went to. However, as I go through life, I am learning that the real learning is about integration of what I experience. It is not enough to write about feelings; I must integrate what I learn from those feelings. It is not enough to write about places I have travelled to; I must integrate what I have seen in those countries and learn something about myself through others. It is not enough to write about why I am upset or hurt. I must integrate how I can deal with it better next time.
You may not write and you do not have to. But to learn we must integrate the knowledge that comes to us through people and situations. Learn to learn new things about yourself because it is sure way to feel happier.
Ultimately, we are all sent here to give. Our task in life is to find out what we are good at giving to others.
You may be good at giving yourself to your family. You may be better at giving your talents at work and serve your purpose. Maybe your giving is through financing a school. You may be brilliant at giving talks. Or run a charity shop. Or give a smile to people when you serve them in your restaurant. Giving is given to all of us and through giving we become selfless. When we give, we serve others but we also serve a higher purpose- we serve God.
By giving we create connection (my 1st point, you remember?) and the cycle of happiness starts all over again…so happiness does create more happiness….