Every decision is based on emotions- I said in my last post. Let us look at how this is true and how it influences the way we move with our lives.
Emotions happen in the body and while they are there, they do not have a name. People with high emotional intelligence are in touch with their feelings and can name them in any given moment. Others struggle when they have to label them, even though they feel them in their body and they know that certain emotions are working in their bodies.
It is a fundamental human need to strive to live as our best self. This innate instinct drives our decisions, our ambitions and it is given to us at the point of birth. However, as we are growing up, we accumulate layers of self-doubt, lack of confidence, negative self-talk and let go of our desire to show up for life as our best self (even though deep down we know that this is what God wants us to do). There are two prime emotions that are working against us to be our best self: Anger and Fear. Both are extremely powerful but today I want to focus on fear.
Fear is a lethal drug to our bodies and one of the toughest emotions to conquer. It does not necessarily show up in our daily routine but we operate from it. We learn fear and as we go through life experiences we label as failure feed into our fear tolerance. The more we feel we have failed, the more fearful we become and the more fearful you are, the more you fail and so the cycle starts.
How do we operate from fear? We certainly do not show that we are scared to anyone because we have been conditioned to compose ourselves and we learnt it so well at school! We have survival mechanisms to keep us “look good to the outside world”, hide emotions and act as if we are not scared of a meeting, a conversation, or someone who is inviting us to step up to life. We stay in a marriage not because we love the person or (s)he brings the best out of us but because we are scared of being alone. We toil with a job not because this is where we are our best but because we are scared of chasing our buried dreams (just in case we fail at it, others disapprove of it or we will not make enough money). From this fear we keep our mantra that “ this cozy job pays my lifestyle” or “ it is better for me to be married even though I am miserable, act small and disrespected than being alone” until this becomes a truth. From this point, you know the drill: you sacrifice yourself to the happiness of others. When I hear this from a client, I know that he/she is acting from fear, not from an authentic, empowered place.
What happens here is that we start using others (job, marriage, anything else) as an excuse. I cannot chase my dream because I have a family to feed. I cannot leave my marriage because I will never find another man/woman to marry…I am not telling you to pack up your stuff and resign (although it may work for some of you really well) but can you see what is happening here? One emotion, in this case fear, triggers your saboteurs, disables you from really articulating what you want from your life. In my work I have seen far too many people who do not even know HOW TO WANT things for themselves because they live in the vicinity of pleasing others so they forget how to want a life for themselves!
It is the law of the world that when you start living your own truth, everything else falls into place. You are no longer a victim but a leader of your own life and others will get the best of you. When you align yourself with what you really want, God serves you all the possibilities you could not even dream of! When you know what you want, leave the logistics to the universal intelligence (God), he is much better at dealing with that than anyone of us ever will be! When you master your fear by articulating your wants, God will provide the best solutions to making that thing happen, whatever that might be! You will see doors opening for you, things coming to you that you could not even contemplate previously. It is like magic and your heart beats with the universe and nobody should die without experiencing it!
So next time you make a decision, big or small, just stop and think: Am I deciding this because of fear or am I genuine in my choices?
See you around for a post on anger?